Proceed with Caution: Female Drivers Ahead!

On March 3rd, millionaire aviator Steve Fossett became the first person in history to fly solo around the world without stopping or refueling his airplane. Of course, your ordinary 747 wouldn't have made it; Fossett flew the specially-designed "GlobalFlyer". Fossett's 67-hour sojourn had a happy ending. Now, even if he hadn't done it a la carte, I'd be willing to bet that the other person with him would NOT have been a woman. Why? Not because I am sexist (nor is he to my knowledge), but because woman are the worst passengers you can have. They try to invoke their style of driving upon the driver. This includes, but is not limited to: route, changing lanes and of course speed.

If there is one thing I can't stand to hear, while driving, its "Why are you racing to get to the red light?" I can't deal with that comment. It is being suggested to me, that I slow down light years before the stop must occur. I mean, yes, red lights suck and I don't want to hurry to get to something that sucks. What they don't get is that red lights are on a semi time based trigger system. When there is a red light, if a car pulls up to the red light, the little trigger (under the pavement) tells the light that someone is waiting. This in turn makes the red light last a shorter amount of time. Therefore, the sooner I get to that red, the sooner I get a green. Not to mention there is nothing wrong with rushing to get to a stop, because the again...Sooner I get to that stop sign/red light sooner I get to move on from that stop. I think the reason girls do this, often, is that they enjoy things that suck.

Probably the suckiest thing there is John Edward. John Edward, psychic superstar of Crossing Over, is the suckiest of all suckiness. He takes people up on stage, tells them that he can talk to their dead Aunt Edna and Uncle Charles, and basically lies to them that everything is honkey dorey in heaven. Bullshit. Fortunately, I'm not the only one who thinks this. The greatest minds in contemporary comedy are in agreement with me. South park believe that, not only does he suck, but he is the biggest douche in the universe:

John Edward: But I'm a psychic.
Stan: No dude, your a douche.
John Edward: I'm not a douche! What if I really believe dead people talk to me?
Stan: Then your a stupid douche.

Proof enough for me...So in closing, John Edward is a sucky douche, Woman make bad passengers and I freaking kick ass!