It's Funny Because it's You!

One little statement has gotten me into a lot of trouble recently. That statement is…

What you can’t take a joke? Fuck you.

There are things in my life that I would redo if given the chance (not necessarily regret though). One of those incidences occurred last weekend on Saturday night. To make a long story short, I ended up at a college party with a friend of mine talking to a group of girls. Seeing as I was drunk and surrounded by good looking college women who seemed half interested in my light hearted banter, I went into ‘attention getting mode.’

At one point a young lady who apparently didn’t like me very much commented on the stain on the right half of my white shirt. I informed her that while playing a game of flip cup a guy on my team bumped into a guy looking over his shoulder and spilled an entire cup of beer on me. I laughed about the situation, my audience laughed about the situation; however she didn’t seem find it as funny and I’m not sure why. Seeing as it was her party she said, “well I don’t want people looking trashy at my party.”

Ok hold the phone. Your friend spilled beer on me and you want me to leave because of it? No way is this happening without me getting a word or two in!

Having decided that I would actually leave, and still with my crowd around me I utilized the opportunity to amuse myself one last time and informed her of her ‘trashy’ condition:

“Wait a minute, you are asking me to leave your party for looking trashy? Isn’t that kind of like the pot calling the kettle ‘black’? Your make-up looks like you applied it with a shotgun.”

Needless to say she didn’t like that comment very much…and by ‘didn’t like it very much’ I mean she didn’t like it at all…and she started yelling at me.

Ok I admit it, it wasn’t the nicest thing I could have said in that situation or the most diplomatic, but to be fair…that’s what she looked like…either that or that she did her make-up during a black-out (God I hope she reads this!). The next minute or so was comprised of her spitting out a bunch of profanity, which I paid no real attention to. At the end of the discourse I simply said to her that magic line…

What you can’t take a joke? Fuck you.

I then made my exit. The chick who took me to the party got pissed at me. I’ve since heard back that the party chick doesn’t like me very much…big surprise. My friend, again got made at me and said I should have dropped it, blah blah blah. Now I’m normally I pretty nice guy. However, I become infuriated when I learn that people can not laugh at themselves, at times.

So I would now like to visit some times in my life when, I made the right choice and kept my mouth shut.

More than a year and half ago I started working for the company I currently work for. Everyone in the office was really nice. It took very little time for me to get in tight with the ‘in crowd*’ of the office. This meant I was included on group emails where some of the office regulars would send jokes around the office. A lot of jokes really blew and occasionally I’d receive those awful emails that said how great of a friend I am, yet if I don’t send it out to at least a kajillion people then I will die in 36 seconds of a horrible death. However, every so often I would get a little gem that would brighten my day. The good ones, as most good jokes normally are, were either racist, sexist, religious or political.

*The in crowd is mostly comprised of females under the age of 27

All was well in my happy little land of jokes-at-the-workplace-ville until one fateful day. The ‘in crowd’ has a lady that is (or at least appears to be) well into her 40’s [we’ll call her Sue]. Sue would periodically send out an email about why husbands/men suck, or why Republicans are stupid or why other races are useless…you know all jokes that fall into the whole realm of: “wow you would be a bigot if I didn’t think you were kidding,” which is fine, I tell jokes like that and expect people to know that I am joking. However, I saw a rather good joke about Democrats and decided that political humor was acceptable. So as per usual, I sent it out to the in crowd, with the attention toward Sue, as she was the biggest proponent for anti-republican jokes.

Hey Sue…thought you might like this one! =)

Jimmy

*Notice the smiley face…please pay special attention to the fucking smiley face…in case you are as thick as Sue…that means I’m not serious.*

I was expecting a friendly email saying how the joke was actually kind of funny (which it was!) instead I get this message that had a tone that suggested I had killed her first born child and was threatening to eat it in front of her. I thought that she might come over to my desk and stab me in the neck with her ball point pen. Now, was this email anti-Democrat? Yes. Was it so anti-Democrat to warrant taking offense? Not a fucking chance. It’s retarded political views like these that help make our politics a joke. Sue officially ruined any and all chances we had at being able to speak on any level beyond work by this move, only because I would have to watch what I say around her…which I am not good at. If I were good at watching what I say then I probably wouldn’t be writing this!

Seeing as I never really had the heart to say this to her at the time…I’ll say it now…

Hey Sue! You can’t take a joke? Fuck You!

Now, there isn’t anything wrong with supporting your religion (hell I’m Catholic, but I still find aspects of the Catholic religion bizarre). However, two notable Scientologists have now gotten in the way of me having a good time, and who are they to stand in the way of Jimmy Corvan having a good time. Those of you who are awesome and watch South Park, with any regularity, know that the show takes no prisoners, if you are a known group of people, you will be ridiculed.

The show recently lost its voice for the character Chef, played by Isaac Hayes (yes, the singer). Recently, South Park created an episode dedicated to the satire of Scientology…yup you guessed it…Isaac Hayes is a Scientologist. Now let me remind you that Hayes has been on the show for all 9 seasons the show has been around; which means he was there when the makers ridiculed Christianity. And Judaism. And Hinduism. And Buddhism. And Mormonism. And Islam. But then when they do Scientology, what does he say?

"There is a place in this world for satire, but there is a time when satire ends and intolerance and bigotry towards religious beliefs of others begins"

Give me a fucking break. I don’t understand how someone can honestly be offended by a bunch of fucking 4th graders whose whole existence is to mock EVERYTHING under sun. But…this didn’t stop there. Instead of pulling the show (in hopes of keeping Isaac’s baritone voice for the show) Matt Stone and Trey Parker decided to tell Isaac to shove it and wanted to run the show anyway.

Hey Isaac Hayes! You can’t take a joke? Fuck you!

Enter, super psycho crazy Scientologist and all around creepy person Tom Cruise. As you might know, Tom just finished filming Mission Impossible III. Wonderful, they made a sequel to that shit ball they called MI:2. Long story made short, the company who made MI:3 (Paramount) is owned by Viacom who also owns Comedy Central. Cruise thought he would be cute and tell Viacom that he would not promote MI:3 if they allowed Comedy Central to run the Scientology episode of South Park. So at the last second, Viacom pulled the episode.

You know what Tom, you can’t take a joke? Fuck you.

It’s idiots like these people that make this world less enjoyable for me. I expect people to make fun of me and the things I do…I expect other people to allow me to make fun of them and things they do…I expect this to be a happy synergy.


For those of you interested in this episode…here is a link to it…I HIGHLY recommend you watch it…they nail Scientology to the fucking wall and its hilarious

Scientology Episode of South Park