mmm....Patchouli and Grease

Societies 2nd most pervasive phenomenon, in my most humble opinion, is Eric Cartman. Eric Cartman, is an outspoken kid who says what he feels. One of his more noteworthy statements is "I hate Hippies." Eric, my son, I could not agree with you more. If there is one thing I hate more than Hippies, its hippies (yes I've decided to stop granting the respect of capitalizing that word, deal with it) with money. Its not so much the prominent stereotypes such as, dreadlocks (although I do believe this looks dumber than the current trend of faux-hawks), pot smoking or the non-shaving woman, that get to me! It’s their goddamn au natural crap. Everything has to be natural or organic. I swear to God (see, He deserves the capitalization), the next person to ask me if my *enter food product here* is organic, is going to get my foot stuck through their ulna.

There are many things about the whole 'organic' food fad that piss me off. For starters, the name itself, as it is commonly used, is misleading. The food that most of those 'people' call organic is food that was once living: animals and plants (for those of you whom are not quite up-to-speed on 1st grade Science). Organic beings simply belong to the class of chemical compounds having a carbon basis. Thus all plants and animals, whether grown/raised with additives or not, are organic. Pick a new name. Its not so much that I care that these people have to be 'different,' as I am a firm believer in multifariousness, it's more so that most of them try to make me feel bad, that I don't care. Look pal, you want to eat your soy-based organic chicken shitakke soup which tastes like three day old milk combined with a scintilla of cardboard flavoring, be my guest, but don't push your hog feed on me. Organic foods...Retarded fad!


Speaking of retarded fads, Atkins...Go to hell. This whole no carbs thing has been blown WAY outta proportion. The way Atkins gets passed around in casual conversation, people believe that they can eat the nefarious 96 oz. steak (grizzle and fat included of course) from the great outdoors for 3 meals a day sans exercise and still loose weight. Atkins (along with such other greats as the South Beach Diet) just kinda popped on the scene one day. What happened? Did they invent carbohydrates? Everyone was just fine before this whole thing hit. Yes people were over weight but most of them are not the elderly...how did they survive eating all those carbs? I'll tell you how, A LITTLE DAMN MODERATION. Newsflash parents, your kid having a potato for dinner didn't put those excess pounds on your little angel, it was the two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, Fruit Roll-up, Rice Krispie treat, a baggy of Oreos and chocolate milk you made him for lunch. Again, I don't care if people want to avoid carbs like the plague, its fine by me. but for the love all things holy, quit badgering me about it.

That has me thinking... Badgers are pretty sweet.